How to deal with dreamshitters (or when to tell people to fuck off)
Some people are just dreamshitters, soul crushers and downright mean.* I think you know who I’m talking about.
That friend who patronises your ideas and points out all the flaws in any plan before you’ve even finished your sentence. The teachers, the older relatives who want you to just be realistic. Or the people who like to shout you down and give their opinions for no reason.
Whether you’re starting out, trying something new or just going about your daily life, people just love to criticise.
This post isn’t about becoming sympathetic to where their issues are coming from. It’s not about enhancing empathy skills or practicing loving kindness.
It’s a gentle reminder of when to tell people to fuck right off.
So let’s take a look at the three main groups of dreamshitters and possible solutions.
1. The Helpers
These are people who might genuinely have our best interests at heart and may even have no awareness as to what they’re doing. This is an important group, because it’s often this group that are closer to us, and often the people we turn to support for when we’re in our hour of need or feel like giving up. Now, there is a certain level of understanding there, but something much stronger and important needs to be in place as well. Boundaries. It’s perfectly ok to change conversation, refuse to talk about any plans you may have, and brush off comments. But if they continue to belittle and undermine your dreams, it’s ok to tell them to fuck off.
2. The Know-It-All
These are the people who have seen and done everything that life has to offer (hell, they’ve even got the matching pants). These are the not-quite-acquaintances who seem to have experience on a myriad of life pursuits and feel the need to make judgements on every aspect of your lifestyle. You know the ones - ("I remember the time when I…." or "Really? You’re thinking of doing that? I remember when…"). Those. Cutting them off short and leaving the conversation is a good idea. Alternatively, it’s ok to tell them to fuck off.
3. The Shitters
Oh these people just love to spoil your fun. They’re quite happy to make a comment, carry on with the rest of their day and not give you a second thought. A shout out goes to the online trolls and the people in the street who feel you need to hear a running commentary of how you look today. (A particular shout out to the man on the bike today who felt the need to make his opinion of my breasts known to me while I was sitting on a bench by the river. He may or may not have inspired this post.) These are the sad people who get their kicks from humiliating people in public. Depending on the situation, it’s ok to tell them to fuck off - it may help or exasperate the situation. Flipping the bird is also an option.
Many people don’t chase after their dreams. There are billions of reasons why.
But for many people, it comes down to one main thing.
Chasing your dreams is fucking scary. The fact that you’re even considering it puts you lightyears in front of the general population.
Let alone if you act on them.
So, stand tall, hold your head up and be proud.
Whoever you are, whatever you’re doing, no matter you dream, don’t let the shitters get you down, not matter how much they are just trying to help.
*I do not take credit for ‘dream shitters’. This gem comes from Jo Tucker of http://jo-tucker.com